she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
