its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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