we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
