Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Houston, we have a blender
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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