all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
