so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize