i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
