my mouth tastes like poor choices
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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