If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
His nipple licking is glorious
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