Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
