You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
