just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
