he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. đ
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Liz Cheney wasnât exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying âYAS QUEENâ for in 2021 but here we are
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