so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
