I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
