I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
