is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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