Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
