guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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