im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
