A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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