I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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