There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
