My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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