that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
