i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
