My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
