I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think your dad took our porno
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
