I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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