I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
