I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
