She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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