Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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