It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
birth control should be required to get into college
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
