people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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