wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
