Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
