I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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