used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Say something about gay babies.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
