I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
