I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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