Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
