I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
