where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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