remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm going to jail i love you
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
