This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
