I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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