He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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