i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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