k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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