im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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