Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
