I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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