hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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