When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
