also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
