Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
