Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
