I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
