it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
