i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
