Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
