Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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