Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
