I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Let's get the cat blown out
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
