its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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