when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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