hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
