Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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