I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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