All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
