I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
