from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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