yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
