MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
