Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
