shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
