As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize