So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She made me pour olive oil on her.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
