I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
